Sometimes I wish the human brain was like a pantry. The way my mum arranges the pantry is, there’s cans and things (of food) and she keeps them organised by food type. She uses them little by little, and then restocks whatever needs restocking. If there’s some foodstuff we don’t like, she doesn’t buy it (unless it’s something like sardines, which is good for you >_> )

I wish my brain worked that way, to organise memories. I could keep the ones I like, and discard the ones I dislike. If there’s some memory I would be allergic to (the way my little brother is allergic to peanuts) I simply would forget it (as in, not re-stock it, the way my mum doesnt’ restock on peanut butter).

Life would be so much easier for me to deal with, I think, if I didn’t have so many memories that cause me…. that angst, and pain… you know, the kind that puts a really heavy weight on one’s chest, and causes knots in one’s throat.

It’s weird, cause the memories that cause me this “pain” really flip me out. Instead of the usual listener, I become a really really whiny bitch. Like this weekend, while chatting with a couple friends, one friend brought up a situation he’s in with a girl, and is confused about. It reminded me so much of the way the person who hurt me used to tell me about his friends, that it completely ruined my day. Mind you, the friend didn’t ruin my day. Rather, the memory I associated him with, ruined my day. Now that only the pain and guilt of having potentially injured a friend’s feelings (by not being there for him, when he has been there for me so much) are left over, I realize how (for lack of a better word) much of an ungrateful ass I’ve been.

At the time though, I couldn’t really help it. The person who hurt me was such a central part of my life, that now that he’s gone, and my plans are shattered, and there’s nothing there to replace all the angst and grief and fear that he’s left me with, the only things I have to reflect on are that angst and grief and fear. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy.

Other than that, my weekend wasn’t so bad. I really ruined it for myself, as usual. Saturday was quite well (though I had something like mental constipation and I couldn’t concentrate on studying or on writing); but it was otherwise uneventful (which these days is a godsend).

I found out Sunday morning that my mum and siblings wanted to go to Mexico as soon as this next month. For some reason, the idea of my mother and father being away from each other really bothers me (to the point of tears), so I asked if it’d  be better for me to travel in place of my mother. It seemed like a good idea all around, so that’s what’ll be happening.

My siblings and I will be leaving on the 4th, if any tickets are available, and will be returning a week later.

This trip should give me a couple of things to plan out, I think. I’m hoping it’ll keep me busy enough to keep my mind off otherwise painful thoughts. I can’t say I’m excited, but I can certainly try harder to force all that pain to become energy I can use, instead of just letting it cripple me. After all, like a good friend said, we’re still young. Not everyone finds “true love” in their 20s these days, which is a good enough point. There’s still time, I shouldn’t be in any sort of rush. All I need is patience.

It really bugs me that this sort of angst should take up so much of my life. Have I really become like the people I would always criticise for needing the existence of a significant other to validate their own existence? Am I really just afraid of being alone, or… what?

Maybe all I need is to rationalise things a little more. Once I rationalise them, and realise why I’m acting the way I’m acting, I can go back to being happily numb ^.^

Another thing I think fueled my little episode, is my boss. Last Friday he took me aside and asked that I “stop the chitchat” and “leave the chitchat for after hours”. It really bugs me, as I spend 8 hours straight in the office. It’s a bit long to go 8 hours without talking about anything that isn’t work related. It’s sort of difficult to explain, how demanding he is. He’s in a “we’re in a recession” mentality, and is picking on people wherever he can. I’ve decided (once and for all) that after this whole vacation period (for we’re going as a family to Mexico in July) I’ll start looking for another job. I don’t mind earning a bit less. Of course the money’s very good, but to be forced to sit in one place, in one attitude, for 8 hours straight, is more than I can take for my $10.50/hr and 3% commission. It’s just… It’s really quite ridiculous.

But oh well. Have to deal with it for now. At least not forever

I’ve also decided that I may get a puppy, after this vacation period. Of course, the scooter I want to get comes first (I’ll need a way of transporting myself from home to my new job), but I think maybe having a puppy will ebb away at the loneliness I’ve been feeling. I’ve decided, also, on a Border Collie. They’re incredibly smart, and really friendly, very loyal, and they don’t eat much :3

Also! I had a weird dream last night. I had a dream that Martin signed onto IRC, and left right before I had a chance to say hi. I woke up feeling sad, and a bit silly, hehe.

To top it all off, I feel as if I’m getting a cold!

I’ll end this post with a silly fact I learned on QI, and have been flaunting all over the place:

In 1987 (the year of my birth) it was discovered that the Greeks made dildoes out of bread.

*hides*

Here we go!

The chicks’ names are:

• Echo (Looks almost exactly like Monkey)
• Isis (Is a “pastel” version of Monkey)
• Ramsey (Looks almost exactly like Pachona, Ramsey is the only predominantly yellow bird)
• Mina (Is predominantly white and blue)
• Luigi (Is predominantly white)

Above, they are in order of birth (by my calculations using their size and having checked the time they hatched.

And here they are!!

*This post dedicated to Armando, Martin and Ben, and Nite_Owl for being pretty much the only ones who ever show any interest in my birds. Thanks guys

This passed weekend was somewhat long, with the extra day I took off of work on Friday. (less monays, wah ;_; )

It was sort of worth it though. Since I got the documentation I was hoping for, my dad and I went down to the DMV. I for sure wanted to get my California ID, but I was antsy about taking the written driving exam. I didn’t think I’d pass it, since I had only perused the book, and had not actually studied it. I figured, though, that the worse that could happen would be that I had to retake it, so I did.

To my surprise, I got 6 wrong, the bare minimum for passing!! Even my parents seemed somewhat proud

I have now a driving permit, which allows me to drive with the condition that there be a passenger 18 years of age or older with a valid driver’s license in the vehicle.  I was so excited ^.^

Then the night turned to shit, as it usually does when something nice happens for me. Oh well.

Saturday night I stayed in bed and slept most of the day. That shitty night was accented by insomnia, and I got about 4 hours of sleep at most. Not only that, my hormones were driving me mad, and (many apologies to my male readers), my period hit me, and I was just a complete emotional and hormonal mess.

I can’t honestly say I’m recuperated. I’m still getting those hormone highs and lows. The highs make me cheery and efficient, and all around nice, and the lows make me “mopey” as one person called it, “irritable”, “bitchy”, “inaccesilble” as another person called it, depressed and desirous of solitude.

But at least the pain wasn’t as bad as the last couple times. MAN those were horrible. Waking up at 3am with those godawful pains…. This time, though, it wasn’t as bad, which I attribute to having had a lot of fibre and iron in my foods lately. Also, a really large and warm mug of wormwood tea helped. It tastes horrible, but it’s a helluva lot better than having horrible pains…..

Today I spent most of the day outside, in the company of Isis, Echo and Ramsey, who are Monkey and Pachona’s eldest chicks (in that order). They decided it would be advantageous to go out and get food on their own, as opposed to having mum and dad bring it in (which it seems they are refusing to do more regularly).

Those chicks are so amazingly adorable, and have no fear whatsoever of human contact, which is amazing. While I did not receive as many snuggles from a source I was hoping to get very many snuggles from, these babies cheered me up enough to counteract the depression from the (most likely) imagined neglect of another person.

As soon as I can be bothered to, I will upload the photos I took of them (and Isis’ first swing and first lettuce nomage), cause I very well know no one really gives a shit anyway, lolololol.

I also watched the films Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal, and am currently waiting for Pride & Prejudice. I finished the novel on Friday night (for the 6th time in my life) and have a great desire to re-watch the movie (for the 4th time). That movie, and Fever Pitch are the only chick flicks I am actually fond of.

A coworker has asked me to go with her to watch Changeling with Angelina Jolie next weekend. I can’t really say I’m looking forward to watching the movie…. Angelina Jolie may be a hot and good actress, but I’m somewhat… fed up with her. Her image, in my mind, has grown somewhat stale (not that it was ever great in my mind before then). Either way, a night out should be somewhat entertaining. Purrhapsh we’ll get some Chinese after/before the movie. I dunno. I’m sort of… keen on not spending too much money, considering my move in January.

New week, new events, hopefully my pains will remain at a minimum (though even as I type this, it doesn’t quite feel like they will), and hopefully lots of orders will come in next week.

Wish me luck :3

For those who I haven’t shown off to yet:

http://tenebrae.us/azarelperez/Birds/Babies/

She’s precious ^.^ I’m not sure if it’s a male or female, though. From what I understand, that’s not determined until complete maturity, in some birds. For simplicity’s sake, I’ve decided to call it She, and to name Her Isis. She’s the second born, and by far the most curious. She likes to poke her head out and see who’s outside. Sometimes even pushes her mum aside to get a better look! The other 4 chicks just hide behind or under their mum.

On a related note, it seems that Mrs. Robinson (the squirrel momma who lives in the tree in our backyard) is letting her pups run rampant. Since there aren’t many people outside these days due to the heat, they have free reign of the backyard, and seem to think of the birdcage where Isis and her family live as their own personal pantry. According to my mum, they’ve almost figured out how to open the cage door that holds the seed-feeder.

This is somewhat vexing…. I bought a cat and dog repeller spray (to repell cats from nosing around the birdcage, those chicks are somewhat loud), and now I have to worry about squirrels :-/

Then again, they do say Necessity is the mother of Invention, so I’ll figure something out, I’m sure.

As most of you know, my yellow female parakeet (the one seen in my header looking straight at the camera) laid 5 eggs a couple weeks ago. Although I was afraid the last one may not hatch, it did, and there are now 5 little pink wiggly things in their nest box.

Last I checked (yesterday) the two eldest (for the eggs hatch one at a time) have already opened their eyes, and they’re molting quite nicely.

According to my mum, the eldest is already wiggling about quite actively, while the other sit, snooze and wait to be fed.

I’ve attempted to take some pictures, but it seems the light isn’t strong enough, and I’m afraid to use Flash in case it startles them all. Over the weekend I plan on messing around with my parents’ new camera and figure out the Night setting, and see if that’ll work.

Once I get pictures, I’ll post them up here