Last Night

Last night I had a really strange headache. It would come in go in spurts, like little shocks. This may seem maybe melodramatic, but every time I would feel the pain I would think of something scary or weird, like ghosts or.. a popular one was people in cars. It was strange. I suppose it was the prelude to my dream.

I was watching as a couple and their kids (a little boy and a little girl) drove around Los Angeles in their olive coloured SUV. I could tell they weren’t from around L.A., they had a slight accent I couldn’t place.

After some time, they drove into the darker parts of the city: the places where wealthy folks honestly shouldn’t hang out, for their own good. They were obviously lost, and the father seemed to be losing his patience. (It was strange, I knew they were talking, and I knew what they were saying, but I couldn’t hear them…) The children were beginning to get somewhat afraid, as they were going in circles, passing the same trash piles, the same derelict apartments, the same trashy baseball courts.

Suddenly, the mom takes off a necklace with a heavy Jade pendant. (I was like, lolwut, that’s mine! I have a necklace just like that.) And she told the dad how, if you let the jade pendant swing around and around, whatever direction it pulls the most us the direction where evil things lay, and so you should go the opposite way. She said that, if they just consult the necklace until daylight, when they can see better, they’ll be able to stay out of harm’s way.

The dad figured it would be good enough until daybreak, so they drove around, consulting the necklace every once in a while. It seemed to be working, because they didn’t come across anyone. No cars, no people, nothing. It almost seemed as if the slums of L.A. were deserted.

They could see the big skyscrapers in the distance. But it almost seemed as if something was holding them there, not letting them get towards the city lights.

At some point, the little kids (as most little kids do) needed to use a restroom. They drove around a bit, until they saw a gas-station, where they stopped. The mom walked into the convenience store, while the kids and dad went off to the restroom.

Once they reached the restroom, they opened the door, and stepped inside. At first, it was a regular dingy gas-station restroom, with graffiti on the wall written by some unknown hand with some unknown (but rather suspicious) material. It smelled bad, of course.

As they stepped closer to the stalls, however, the ceiling and walls began to melt away, little by little. It was almost as if the whole place was made of wax, and someone had lit a match to the top. As the walls melted, something else began to form, and, after some time, it seemed that they were standing in the middle of a neighborhood. It very strongly contrasted where they previously were. The houses were all nice, and the lawns were all well kept. They were the kinds of lawns that sort of rise up in a little hill, until the house is reached. The strange thing is, the air felt the same. It was still dark, and dingy. (It’s so hard to explain… The way I saw things in this dream was sort of like looking through a car’s tinted window.)

The children began to cry, and the father seemed very afraid, but he took a hold of each child’s hand, and led them forward. He didn’t know what was going on, but it wouldn’t do any good to just stand there. He walked and walked past every house, until there was one place that seemed to have some activity inside. (I’m going to be brutally honest, both with you, and myself: I think it was  Jehovah’s Witnesses Kingdom Hall, the place of worship for Jehovah’s Witnesses.)

The three walked inside and the place was PACKED. There were even people out in the receiving hall, standing so they could listen to the service. Then it was time to sing the hymns and everyone was singing. For whatever reason, the dad and kids started singing too. I could tell that, the longer they stood there singing, the better they felt.

Then I went off to look for the mom. I found her still at the gasoline station, but she was scared. She kept calling out for the dad and kids, but, of course, they didn’t answer, they coulnd’t hear her! I kept thinking the whole time how she should be quiet. Something told me she would attract some sort of attention she wouldn’t like.

This is where it turned into a nightmare:

The mom decided to look up and down the street. She was careful to lock the car, but she forgot her necklace inside. She walked up and down the street, and started seeing people. They all seemed to be smiling with the same, creepy, bland toothy smile. Sort of like the old Colgate commercials.

There were people walking beside her, and there was one guy on his bike, who rode past her. They all seemed to be interested in staring at her. Of course, she got afraid.

Then she came across someone who REALLY scared her. He was tall, white, blonde, and was wearing a single-piece orange suit. The mom, well, she turned around, and started running faster thatn I had seen anyone run. Of course the guy in the orange suit started chasing after her. He seemed to be gnashing his teeth, though he had the exact same grin as everyone else. (I dunno why, or how, but somehow I knew that all these people were ghosts. And not the Casper kind, either.)

She ran towards her car, unlocked it, and got inside. She was shaking like a leaf, it was horrible to see her.

Then I went off and looked for the dad and kids.

They were talking with an elderly black woman about how to get back to their car. The lady said that no matter what direction they would walk in, they’d get there. But they had to make sure to hold hands, and not let go of each other, or they’d get lost. She said that no matter who or what they saw, to not let go of each other. As long as they held hands, they’d be able to protect each other from evil creatures.

So on they walked, and walked, and soon they saw the darker part of L.A. They were very happy, the knew they’d see mom soon. The saw, in the distance, the gas station, and their car. As the got closer, however, the knew something was wrong. Mom was in the driver’s seat, head back, mouth wide open, grinning, and eyes blank. In the backseat, was the orange-suited guy, also grinning wide, and staring right at them.

I don’t know how he got out, but the orange-suited guy did get out of the car, and started walking right towards the dad and little kids. But they just held hands, and stared at him….

And then I woke up :/

In writing it doesn’t seem very much like a nightmare. But, it really bugs me that during the whole thing, during the whole dream, I felt like I should help them. Like I was supposed to tell them which way to go, and to not worry, and… Just helful things like that. And even right now, I still feel like that.

I think a couple of things could have influenced my dream. I’m sure a couple movies I’ve seen here and there had some effect on my mind, and may have influenced my dream. And I definitely know better than to go to sleep with a headache. I always get some weird movie-like nerotic nightmare that leaves me frustrated, disoriented and scared when I wake up.

Either way, I have to remind myself, It’s only a dream -_^

Yesterday

Yesterday was shit. I woke up and figured I should stay home. While I lay there in bed, I thought about the money I could have in my paycheck, and how some of that money could go for the earrings I want to get ( http://www.myimportstore.com/store/images/Naruto/NarutoOrochimaruEarrings.jpg ) So I figured I had to go.

When I got to work, everything was dandy. I was excited to get to the end of the day. Not only was it Friday, it was also the day I would dye my hair black!

I had been looking forward to dying my hair again for some time now. My hair had healed well enough, but it looked like shit. I had patches of blonde, and patches of red, and patches of brown. See, if that had all been on purpose, it would’ve maybe looked decent. But it wasn’t on purpose. No matter how well I kept it, it always looked messy. So I figured I’d dye it all one solid colour.

My initial thought was getting it bleached. May as well go blonde, since I already have bits of blonde. But then I thought about the implications behind bleaching. See, what bleaching does is simply diffuse, or, remove, the natural colour (or artificial colour in my case) from the hair. Not only would this still make my hair look uneven, it would damage my hair. I had just barely healed my hair, I wasn’t about to go and fuck it up again.

So, I opted for an actual colour. I asked around, and (after consulting a couple people, including RPharazon) I decided black would be the most extreme I could go to.

I do like not looking like myself, which is what makes hair so much fun, for me. Once I tire of seeing the same person in the mirror, I move onto a different colour!

Anyway… Where was I. Oh yes, I was excited and happy and, even though I didn’t want to go into work, I figured I should anyway.

The day before, on Thursday, I had been invited by my boss to go visit the client he’s currently in love with. We’ll call them “PF” just for privacy and simplicity’s sake. He said PF’s owner didn’t yet trust me. That the competitor who was giving him service (selling him stuff) was doing a lot better of a job because she had gained their trust. He said maybe if he sees me once or twice, he’ll trust me better, he’ll think of me as a person he can trust.

Now, this made absolutely no sense to me. First of all, the lady from the other company has been working in the industry as a professional estimator and salesperson for 30 frikkin years. She was in the industry since she was very young. There is no way in hell I could possibly get the kind of pricing she does. That many years of experience in her field would have granted her connections above and beyond any I could dream of having. Also, the fact that she was a senior official in the company obviously meant that she could handle capital in whatever way she saw fit to fill a customer’s needs. I don’t have that power, because my boss is a greedy, selfish, stingy idiot. Say, if I was someone new he’d want to introduce to customers, that’d be one thing. But I’ve been working there on and off for the past 5 years. It would simply be a waste of time and energy.

So I mulled this over, overnight, and I came to the conclusion I didn’t feel comfortable with the whole thing. So, the next morning, I wrote him a nice email (which is rare, I’m usually somewhat rude, ask JT if you don’t believe me) stating my thanks for his invitation, but expressing my discomfort in his plans. I recommended that he use an outside salesperson for activities like those.

To my surprise, he sent back an email expressing how very “disappointed” he was, but that he was fine with it. He also said that he could “sell the company to clients until [he was] blue in the face (well, he said blue, but I know he meant blue in the face) but that if the quotes weren’t getting done right, that [he] would never be able to bring in new customers”. Thus, he decided that he would take it upon himself to “check all [my] quotes before they are given to customers”.

More or less, he was blaming ME and MY job for the fact that HE wasn’t bringing in any customers! He was blaming MY work!! What did HIS performance have to do with mine?! What did my quotes (which are ALWAYS complete, by the way) have anything to do with his wanting me to visit customers?!

I was so incredibly pissed off. I swear, I cried for a good 5 minutes out of sheer anger, hatred, and frustration. Never in my life have I ever met someone so completely thick, dense… just STUPID. He is truly STUPID in the most pure form of the word. He lacks foresight and insight. He is NOT a good leader, AT ALL. Ohh how my hate for him grew. It grew so much, that I felt that if I wrote a response, it would be my resignation….

But no, I can’t afford to resign. I’m saving up for a trans-continental move, and I have bills to pay. In the current status I’m in, it would be very difficult to find a job which could provide me with the income and freedom I need and currently posses.

Even though his reaction made no sense, was out of line, and was mean, it still affected me very much. I like to think that all the time and effort (time being from 6am to as late as 6pm on some days, without a lunchbreak sometimes even) that I put into his company is all that I have to give. Every last fiber of my being stresses out, jsut so I can get my measly salary.

I have a pretty big ego when it comes to my quotes. They are always on time (with the exception of maybe on or two, but, hey, I’m human). They are always complete, wether i have to cross something over to another brand or not. They are always competetive, and hey, they fucking sell.

I know how to speak to angry or happy clients. I use my own fucking office supplies apart from electricity, water, and paper, and I don’t ever complain about the noise levels.

Why does he insist on piking on me? What the fuck have I ever done to warrant this type of treatment? If I’m not doing well enough of a job, well, he can fucking find someone else to do it…. Or, at least that is what I wish I could say.

In the end, I didn’t respond. I just left a huge stack of files on his desk for him to check before I send them out. If he doesn’t give them back to me on time, Oh well. If because of his “checking” the quotes are late, oh well.

There’s no way in hell I’m going to stress out more, just because he wants to add another stone to the grind…..

At least my hair colour looks decent /-:

RIP Samantha

Unfortunately, poor little Samantha didn’t make it through the night. I think maybe what I was feeding her didn’t do well for her

I feel really guilty, and I really wonder if I should have let her be, instead of messing with Nature’s cycle. I’ve been told so many times before that picking up stray birds, or cats, or dogs who will probably otherwise die really affects the ecosystem in its own way.

I can’t really find it in my heart, though, to just let something defenseless to itself. Isn’t it the job of more powerful beings to help others? Isn’t it this feeling of guilt and of maternity what helps people actually be nice to each other?

Either way, it’s very confusing….

The popular theory on this website http://www.whatbird.com/forums/forums/38731/ShowThread.aspx#38731 was that perhaps Samantha was a newborn hummingbird. I would have enjoyed so much to have been able to add a hummingbird to my bird repertoire. I do believe she may have been an overly large hummingbird, though, as my last post shows, the hummingbirds in this area are usually around her size at maturity.

RIP Samantha, and I’m sorry if I prolonged your agony :’(

Samantha

This is Samantha. I’m not yet sure what breed she is, but, if she survives, I should know within a week or so, when she starts molting her babe feathers and starts growing the basic adult down.

Something interesting about her, is that she has a bit of green feathers on her lower back. Maybe they’re visible in the pictures?

I named her Samantha because I was thinking about the German Shepherd dog from the film I Am Legend when I discovered her in our backyard. It seemed appropriate. Send her some good thoughts, eh?

Plant Tycoon

That’s what the game is called. It’s not really much of anything like Transport Tycoon, or any of its variants. For more info Google it, you lazy bitch

These are just pictures I thought I’d share:

At the moment, I’m into $1,065.00. I have another 15 to sell, and then I can afford the win new white fencing that customers like so much.

Now if only my RL sales went this well

JTanczos

(Continued…)

JTanczos flew high over the forest. He held the girl close to his body, his tail curled around her, to protect her from the wind and snow swirling around them. Far behind them lay the forest and its road. THey were heading East, towards the Smoky Mountain, where he lived. Surveying his domain, he saw plumes of smoke coming from various homes, some large, some small. This was the land of the Megistanos, on the outskirts of the Smoky Mountain.

Landing on a precipice outside his cave, he transformer into his human form, and carried the girl inside. He took off her coat and shoes and laid her down on a thick bear rug, next to the hearth and flexed her limbs, to encourage blood flow. Once she was dry, and he was satisfied that she had no injury on her, he took her to the interior room of her cave, and laid her down on a soft bed.

Frightened, I threw off the covers and ran to the door. I wrenched it open. Peering into the next room, it was oval, and had a high ceiling, I bolted across it, and out through the open doors, right into the snow, and right past the precipice. I was falling, unable to grab a hold of anything.

JTanczos growled and sighed as he left his perch on the mountainside. He had been watching for any other… guests. A human in this nick of woods was never a good sign. Was this human going to prove to be a nuisance to look after? He flew down, beating the force of gravity, and grabbed a hold of the girl by the waist. He pulled up sharply, almost 20ft off the ground. He chuckled a bit as he heard an OOF! from the girl. He flew back up again, and dropped her on the plateu outside his cave entrance.

Dropping down in front of her (she had fallen backwards) back in his human form, he crossed his arms and asked, in a slightly amused, slightly annoyed tone “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”. She got to her feet quickly, and stood there in her long, white, very simple dress. Her big brown eyes showed fear and some awe.

I stared, feeling somewhat stupid, at the young man in front of me. I was unable to believe what had just happened; I even looked up to make sure there wasn’t a dragon up on the mountain somewhere. The skies were clear but for a few wisps of clouds. The young man was in his mid-twenties at least, wearing a lemon coloured tunic, dark blue pants, and big black boots. His brown hair was cropped short, and his blue eyes seemed to mock her. “I was scared…” i said, but it seemed like a lame excuse for having jumped off a clif. “C’mon,” he said, obviously trying to stiffle a laugh, “You’ll get a cold standing in the snow, come inside.”

Inside, JTanczos put a kettle on the earthen stove. The girl looked up at the high ceiling, and saw it had scenes carved into it. There was a dragon, chasing and fighting a great hooded figure. JTanczos watched her looking up at the ceiling, and walking around the room in a spiral, following the story it told. He was surprised she could even see it. These enchanted carvings were not usually visible to humans.

“Come sit” he said, and she did. He placed sugar, milk, a teacup and the hot kettle before her. He also took some fruit and bread to her. She made her tea and ate quietly. When she was at least satisfied she looekd at him directly and asked shyly “Where am I?”

“You are West of the River,” he answered uncomfortably. This did not seem to satisfy her.

“My name is Tenebrae. I thank y ou for your keeping me–For your kindness and your generosity, for having saved me… twice, I think–”

JTanczos raised his hand to interrupt her. “You’re welcome. I see you won’t be fooled. You are in my cave, atop the Smoky Mountain, to the East of your Ocean and River, and close to the Eastern waters. You are in the land of the Megistanos.”

Tenebrae’s eyes went wide. JTanczos shifted unfomfortably.

“If you are indeed from across the River, it pains me to say that everything West of the River is engulfed in a black mist. This same mist surrounded our area, but it went away after taking one of us, SAC. She went willingly, so we fear she will not return….”

He watched her take this in, and was surprised when she seemed to cheer up. She tried to hide it, “I’m sorry about your friend,” she said and seemed to mean it. Something, though, cheered her up. He had expected her to wail and cry at the loss (even if temporary) of her home.

“Um… I suppose I should show you around here, since it seems you’ll have to stay with us… Unless you have somewhere to go?” he asked. “I was wondering where you were headed, when I found you on the road.”

“I was not headed anywhere!” she said cheefully. “I was in the mood for exploring. Please, you don’t have to show me around. If I could have my clothes and shoes back, I can do some exploring!”

“You’ll need a ride down the mountain, though,” he said with a grin, “Unless you’d like to take the quick way down!” he answered, amused by her naivety.

TO BE CONTINUED…

JTanczos

JTanczos reminds me of a dragon. Not your every day “Rawr! *fiar!* ohnoesrun!” type dragon, though. Allow me to explain.

I woke up from a dream one night, looking up at the dark ceiling. Then house was quiet; it seemed that no one was home. I fancied a walk, so I dressed, put on some boots and headed outside. The wind outside was cold and cruel; it whipped at my face and eyes, but I did not mind. It was better than being inside, with nothing to do and nothing to see.

I neared the river that divides us from the woods. I looked into the water, and saw my reflection, pale and listless. Looking up, I saw the woods, across the river. They did not seem foreboding and fearsome as they had before. Rather, they looked inviting, enticing.

I looked down a way, and saw the little wooden bridge. I walked over, crossed it, and made my way down the leaf and moss carpeted floor. I looked up at the trees. The first few were uninteresting and bare, though tall and white. As I walked deeper, though, the trees began taking a more interesting shape, making me more and more curious to see the next. Before I realised it, I was lost on my own mind, lost in the forest, and didn’t quite care.

Snow began to fall. At first I did not notice. Slowly it grew heavier, until the road in front of me was covered. The trees were like two walls beside me, so finding the road was not a problem. The problem was how quickly and heavily the snow was falling. Before I knew it, I was up to my knees in some places, and I grew very cold. I tried to move around to keep warm, but it didn’t work. I felt my body grow cold, and I leaned against a tree, exhausted and shivering violently. Sinking into the snow, my back against the tree, I was able to look up. Way up high in the dark jewel-encrusted sky, a long white, blue haired dragon chased furiously after something very large and very black. A spout of flames came out of his mouth, and I lost consciousness.

JTanczos roared once more, but his flame was too week to penetrate even the mist. Feeling angered, lost and alone, he gave up the chase, and floated in midair feeling despair take over him. He looked down, trying to think. I can’t give up, he kept telling himself. I can’t, there must be something I can do. As he stared down, watching the swirling snow around him fall to the forest below, he caught sight of something on the side of the road. He flew down curiously, and saw it was a human! Picking her up in two of his many feet, he took off, heading home.

When I awoke, I felt warm, and comfortable. The sheets I was covered in, and the pillow, smelled of sweet timothy grass. I wondered if perhaps I had fallen asleep somewhere in the meadow behind home. Not wanting to open my eyes, I noticed suddenly that the warmth did not feel as if it was from sun. I opened my eyes and shrieked as I sat up quickly.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Why His Name’s Monkey

“Oh hai, I’m Monkey!”

“I have l33t skillz on the swing.”

“This is mah girl Pachona.”

“She has l33t skillz too.”

“This is mah homie StarScream. He’s mean, and bites, and doesn’t like cameras.”

“This is his girl Tarada. She’s all looks, no brains.”

“Ever since breeding season started (BOW CHICKA BOW WOW) Pachona and Tarada, once bosom buddies, have been at each other’s throats. So mum Relly put us in this cage, for our own protection.”

“It’s not all that bad. There’s better chance for us to be snuggly! *wink wink*”

 

 

“Sometimes Tarada comes over to say “Hi, I’m sorry I beat the shit out of you to the point your head-feathers will never be the same, can I have my eye back now please?”

 

“But Pachona always says “No!” and goes back home, where she starts to clean frantically. She says it’s therapeutic.”

 

“Afterwards, she sends me out to get her foods and candies. I always yell out for Mum Rel, and she comes with hands full of foods and candies. I bring those over to Pachona. She says those are therapeutic too.”

 

“You like our house? Mum Rel and her dad made it for us. The front’s one 9’ long by 5’ tall sheet of fiberglass. The frame is made of real pine, and the top is actual roofing material. There are bricks at the bottom, cause this concrete’s not completely level. The blue stuff under the cage is our umbrella. It’s been raining and cold lately, but mum Rel always has a good idea to keep us warm and dry!”

 

 

“Oh yeah, and this is why my name’s Monkey! Thanks for stopping by!”

MicroCheap

Okay, so about two weeks ago, the office kitchen’s microwave breaks down. No big deal right, we just get a new one? WRONG!

K’s dad gets the idea that maybe someone can fix it. He goes around asking each employee to go and take a look at it, and even fiddles with it himself. This infuriates some of the employee population, until one very brave lady (Anne, bless her) gets pissed off and yells at K to either get a new microwave, or buy everyone a hot lunch until he does. He promptly instructs me to provide a driver with funds to go get a new microwave. Knowing the cost of most electronics these days, I give the driver $100. He comes back with $20-odd in change, and everyone is happy, and calls it a good deal. This was last Monday.

Well today, Kevin brings in a box. We’re hopeful thinking that it’s a new  toaster oven, for like, tortillas and bread and stuff.

No–it’s another microwave. It’s smaller, and the box looks faded, like it had been sitting out in the sun for an extended period of time. Not only that, there’s a bit of an unidentifiable smelly aura about it.

He comes up to me, a very self-satisfied grin on his face “Look Edrei, I got this microwave at a garage sale for $23.50. They wanted to sell it to me for $25.00, but I got him down to 23.50!”

I swear on all that is precious and beautiful to me, that this is what he said. He also advised me to get the driver to return the original new one.

PLEASE!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone explain to me how someone so cheap can exist in this world.

Please….  :’(

Jälkeläinen

There is a conversation I had not long ago with a unique individual I met recently. It struck me very deeply, for I could relate to the subject 100%, as the saying goes. He spoke of selflessness, and I don’t mean not being selfish. I mean, literally, not being the self.

There are people who are surrounded by others who teach them to hate themselves. Say, for example, a person loves to eat bananas every morning for breakfast. Say, also, that the society this person lives in HATES morning-banana-eating people. This society pursues, criticizes, ostracizes these morning-banana-eating people. If a child who loves eating bananas in the morning since birth is born into this society, and this action is deeply rooted in the child’s psyche, this child learns to do one of the following:

A) The child will learn to hate his identity, and will hide every part of his morning-banana-eating cravings. This child, in most cases, will grow up to be a somewhat dysfunctional member of society, and will most likely lose any grip of sanity at an early age.

B) The child will deal with the ridicule while he has to. He will be an integral part of society. As soon as he is able, he will leave the society who tortured him for so long. He will adapt himself to some new society who accepts morning-banana-eating, and who will deal with his cravings and desires.

The type A child is self explanatory, and a bit less common than the type B.

The type B child… that’s what I, and this Individual I met recently, relate to. What I want to focus on the most are the details as to how the child will deal with the ridicule, and even prosecution he has to endure since childhood.

In many cases, as this Individual pointed out, the child becomes an empty shell. At one point, however, the child was an inhabited shell. It is only after years of systematic psychiatric abuse (which the people around him may or may not be aware is abuse) that the child realizes he must do something to make the pain lessen. Here is where the transformation occurs. While no one sees it, the child slowly conditions himself to simply “go with the flow”. Instead of fighting against what he is being taught, which, he learns, ends up in more ridicule and abuse, he simply… obeys. Instead of eating those bananas in the morning, he allows himself to do what everyone else does, even if it causes him disgust towards himself. The disgust slowly ebbs away, and the actions he must take in order to fit in become more of a necessary evil, like paying taxes, or mowing the lawn. After some time, life loses its meaning. At this point is where the child can be categorized into either type A or type B. The child will either feel defeated, and give up, or it will deal with it all by emptying out his character. Since it is his character which is not approved he discards his own, and adopts that of another person, like a sibling or classmate. If the banana-craving child has a sibling who is approved of, and who is an apple-eating person, the banana-craving child will suppress all thoughts of bananas, and adopt apple-eating habits, even if he is disgusted by apples. In almost all cases this is detrimental, and adds to the feelings of self-hate and hate towards society. Type B persons can end up socially functional, but have a secret life full of hate, despair, and insanity. This can lead to the child becoming violent, rebellious.

Less often nowadays, the child can overcome this hate by emptying out his character even more. The child, who at this point is now probably an adolescent/young adult who is more in control of his thoughts and impulses, or is medicated to do so, becomes an empty shell, who emulates whatever surrounds him. There is a difference, of course, between projecting what is around a person, and mimicking. Parrots mimic. Monkeys mimic. As mentioned before, the Type B adolescent absorbs what is expected of him, and does it, in many cases surpassing the expectations of the powers that be.

How do I relate to this? Well, I can’t really yet figure out how. There is something about the way I think, the things I like, the things I do, that I have always hidden from my family. It is not until recently that I’ve finally expressed them. One of the things I’m so attached to is the Internet. According to some, I am addicted to the Internet. Measures have been taken to free me of my addiction, as it were, but, well, it’s not working, lol. I do feel some sort of withdrawal, but it’s more of an anger I’ve developed at the powers for not understanding that this is my way of life. I am a functioning member of society! I make money, and can speak fluently (two languages, almost three) and can help people figure out what they want! My powers of intuition are sharp as daggers, and yet it is claimed that my Internet addiction cripples me. I can’t figure out why. I can’t understand why, but I know they are wrong.

I’ve been taught a set of rules, morals, and principles my entire life. Since I was a teeny tiny child I’ve been fed it as I’ve been fed my mother’s cooking, and, like my mother’s cooking, I loved it. I’m not going to lie, since I was child I knew this was the way to go. There are a lot of people out there who would really benefit from this set of rules. And heaven knows, I’ve learned them, and made them my own! But also, since I was a child, something at the back of my mind has been telling me This lifestyle isn’t what I want. This isn’t what I’m meant to do. Now is the time in my life when I feel that little voice speaking to me so loudly it makes my head hurt, it blinds my vision, my muscles ache, my stomach cramps and all I want to do is die.

But I’m being forced to continue these things my mind is telling me not to do. If it was not for various ways I have of releasing the stress this causes me, I really think I would have turned into a Type A child. There are times now when I really wonder if being a Type B is really worth it. Then there are times when I think about the goals I have in life. I think about the people I love, and I know love me back. And at those times I think Yeaaahhhh… it’s worth it

 

Disclaimers:

15:30:41 <@GoneWacko> I’ve never had passion
15:30:50 <@GoneWacko> I had fruit this morning though
15:30:59 <@GoneWacko> BANANA

COINCIDENCE! I swear! I wrote this blog post last night,and Only this morning posted it. It’s one of those creepy Tenebrae vs. GoneWacko coincidences that keep occuring.

Also, I don’t pretend to be some sort of psychologist. These are just observations I’ve seen through my eyes, my brain, my experiences. I could very well be wrong, so please don’t think I’m being a complete douche!

That is all. -A.